Monday, August 08, 2016

Male on Monday: Are You Oiled up and Ready for the Olympics?

The Olympics are glorious. The pageantry. The outfits. The ridiculously fit bodies. Controversy about having the games in Brazil this year aside, I love the chance to see supremely athletic people do seemingly physically impossible things while dressed in skimpy clothes. Which is why the opening ceremonies was such a gorgeous thing. By now, everyone knows about the Tongan flag bearer and his eye-catching appearance in a traditional Tongan ta’ovala during the long (and commercial-break ridden) parade of nations and its representatives for the opening ceremonies of the Rio Olympics a few days ago.

When I first beheld the glory that was the baby-oil loving flag bearer, I was supposed to be paying attention to my friends who were sitting at the table with me at a neighborhood sports bar. This place was everything you’d expect from a sports bar – massive TVs mounted on every wall and strategically placed to catch just about every eyeball in the place. I was in the middle of chatting with a friend about the book signing we’d just left when something glistened in my peripheral vision.

It was this:

I laughed from sheer surprise because, what?! Was that even real? Well-oiled, smiling, and muscular men don’t just appear on national network TV for no reason. At least not outside of porn. If porn aired on national network TV. Anyway, at the sight of this glistening god, I had to turn all the way around in my chair to give the man my full attention. It turns out his name is Pita Nikolas Taufatofua and he’s captured the…admiration of the entire of these internets. Deservedly so, I think.

So while I hadn’t originally planned on taking in much of the Olympics this year, certain recent developments have changed my level of interest. Now, I feel heavily invested in how many medals some of my favorite countries can get in swimming, gymnastics, rugby (oh my!) and even wrestling, which I’m pondering setting up my DVR for – some things should be captured for posterity. Summer Olympic sports are my new favorite things.

London Olympics match

With these new delights in mind, I settled down to watch the Olympics on Saturday night. While taking in the athleticism, fierceness, and tiny outfits of the women’s beach volleyball teams, it suddenly occurred to me that the men’s beach volleyball competitors wear far too much clothes. Aren’t they worried about aerodynamics and the negative effects of so much unnecessary clothing on their bodies? I am. How can they win when they’re not wearing Speedos? I need to start a petition to help fix this ridiculous situation ASAP. But chances are, they won’t modify this deplorable and unwinning clothing policy before the next day of their games (which is Thursday, August 11th if you’re interested).

Another result of me seeing the divine and glistening glory of Pita Nikolas Taufatofua is that I’ve set my sights on other well-turned out Olympic hopefuls. In this, I’m not nationalistic at all. One world, one love and all that, right?

Jason Robinson playing Rugby

What sports are you planning on watching this Olympic season?

Born in Jamaica, Lindsay Evans currently lives and writes in Atlanta, GA where she's constantly on the hunt for inspiration, club in hand. She loves good food and romance and would happily travel to the ends of the earth for both. Her novels of sensual romance are available now.

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