Tuesday, April 05, 2016

Tuesday Talk Time - Losing my Mojo...

I was on a roll for the latter part of last year. It was a golden time for me; my kids were happy and healthy, my marriage was wonderful, I had work coming out of my ears. Best of all, my fingers couldn’t keep up with my brain when I was typing because my words were flowing too fast. My characters were funny and interesting and interested in talking to me, they wanted to tell their stories and they were demanding their HEA’s.

Then in mid-December I went to gym and did a very hectic workout. I really pushed myself because I was feeling strong and healthy and well, because I could. The next day I had muscles cramps and then cramps got worse and worse until, by mid-January, I could barely walk twenty five meters without feeling like I was going to die. I constantly felt nauseous, had chronic indigestion and could fall asleep on a bed of nails. My brain, along with my body, went on strike as well. I couldn’t remember small things and I felt like a zombie had sucked out my brain. As one does, I hit the Internet and within three clicks I had a weird and very rare fatal disease. 

I needed a holiday, I decided, some time off. I’d been working like a demon and thought that the stress had caught up with me so I took some holiday time and that didn’t help. One of the scariest moments was when I rebooted my cell and couldn’t remember the code to unlock the SIM card. It was a number I’d used frequently over the past few years and I couldn’t remember it. I still can’t. 

So I took my fatally-infected-with-a-rare-disease body off to the doctor in mid-January and was diagnosed with having an under-active thyroid, a very common ailment. Except that I did it properly, my TSH levels were through the roof. Neither my GP nor the specialist physician could work out how I was still functioning (or standing!). Many of the symptoms have gone away with the treatment (which they still haven't got right) but the brain fog, fatigue and, most frightening for me, the lack of creativity haven't yet. 

That apparently is going to take time.  Time I keep telling them I don't have. I have books to write, contracts to honour, editors and most importantly, readers to please. I need to write…

I can deal with feeling tired and ratty and emotional but not being able to get the words onto paper, not being able to convey the story you want to share? That is truly terrifying. Writing is not only my career and my job but it’s my outlet, my solace, my joy and my escape. To a large extent, it’s who I am. Losing that feels like I am losing myself…

A week later….


Since I wrote that last week, I’ve been back to see the specialist physician and they've adjusted my meds and I am feeling a little better, a little more like me. Best of all, I’ve started to think about my books again and my characters are starting to, quietly, talk to me. I feel like I’ve started the long walk home. 

We all have our challenges and I know that life is not always a picnic in a park on a sunny day with a glass of champagne in my hand. My little oops is not cancer or dementia or anything terribly horrible but it has been pretty awful, for me. Nelson Mandela once asked not to be judged by his successes but to be judged by how many times he fell down and got back up again.

I fell down in a big way and I’m standing again. Within a week or so, I intend to be up and running. I hope that, if you are dealing with something awful in your life, you manage to do the same...whenever and however you can.

With much love




 Available in June 2016

Anything can happen on an island with the one who got away… 

Fame, fortune and a sexy-as-hell swagger make famous hockey player Mac McCaskill nearly irresistible to Rory Kydd. They shared a searing-hot almost kiss years before. But now that she's been contracted as his physical therapist, she's determined to keep things professional. She keeps her hands to herself—until she and Mac are isolated on his private tropical retreat during a raging storm…
Mac never forgot how Rory made his blood burn. He wants the kiss they never had…and much more. But once the storm ends, so does the fantasy. Will the connection they found in paradise survive the real world?

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  1. Oh, hope you're feeling much better! That sounds worrisome and discouraging all at once.

    1. I am so much better, thank you. A week on the right meds have made a world of difference and I am feeling like me!

  2. I hope you're doing better and that your creativity comes back stronger than ever.

    1. I worked for hours and hours today and made huge progress so I think I am back on track. Thank you!