Sunday, August 23, 2015

Weekend Wildcard - My Perfect Boyfriend

Jennifer Rae is back at the Pink Heart Society talking all about her perfect boyfriend...

No great romance ever started with a hunky dory beginning. The best of romances are filled with childhood trauma, dysfunctional relationships and bad breakups. The more torture a character endures, the sweeter the happy ending right?

The other day I got asked who my ‘Free Pass’ would be. You know. The person you would sleep with if the opportunity came up regardless if you were in a relationship. Well, anyone that knows me will attest to the fact that I take these questions seriously. Ok – perhaps too seriously. But nonetheless I like to think about my answer. I mean you only get one free pass right? He totally better be worth it. 

So I wondered whether it should be just about looks? No. I mean looks are important in a free pass, but I would imagine I would be talking to this Free Pass at some stage so he should have a good personality or he’s going to annoy me, then I’d be angry I’d wasted my free pass on a knob-head. So personality is important. 

He’d also have to be funny and relatively smart and with some sort of charm. The list kind of went on (which is indecently why people who know me well don’t ask me questions like this) Which led me to consider – who is my perfect man? I’m always thinking about men. That is I’m always thinking about hero’s. For work. Totally not because I’m still as boy crazy as I was when I was 13. Totally not that. 

So I decided to sit down and write a Bridget-Jones-esque list of the qualities my perfect boyfriend would possess. (Then I circled it in hearts and wrote my initials next to a dreamboat I know and worked out the percentage we should be together and we totally got 92% so I think we totally should be together in real life)
10. He must have Rough Hands

You know what I mean. My Perf Boyf doesn’t have to be a tradie or a carpenter (drool) but maybe he just hammers things into other things on weekend and gets a few callouses from fixing things that need grease and oil and other dirty things. Stop.

9. He must Dress Well

Now I’m not expecting Italian lothario levels of dressing, but a man who possesses a good tailored, well cut suit and wears it well will always have a place in my heart. Especially when he keeps the jacket done up on one button and puts his hands in his pocket so the jacket flaps a little. Dayum. 

8. Must have a Hidden Talent

Now seriously. Have you ever met a man who hasn’t got a hidden talent? They all do. And they usually don’t pull it out for a few months. You’re sitting on the lounge, looking at you’re hot new man thinking, ‘I’ve seen all his tricks, is it time to start looking around?’ and then he busts out Mozart’s concerto on the piano or whittles a bird whistle from a piece of old wood or cooks a gourmet meal. Sneaky buggers always keep a few tricks in the bag to keep us interested and if he did not, I’m afraid, he’s off the list.

7. Dat Smile

You know the one. The one when you tell people that you hardly ever get angry and you have such inner peace that you don’t let anything get to you and out of the corner of your eye, boyf’y gives you that smile. That sly dirty smile that says, ‘Gurl – I seen you crazy. I know you.’ Boom. Straight in the feels.

6. Strong

So this is a simple one. If one cannot lift me up, hold me hard against a wall and manipulate me so we both receive all sorts of forbidden pleasures, one cannot be my perf boyf.

5. Silent

I know some of ya’ll go for those wild crazy life-of-the-party-jokers. I love those guys. But he’s not the man I want to take home. The one sipping his drink in the corner, maybe talking quietly to a few friends? He’s the one I’m watching. Because, see - he could actually be Batman. Batman wouldn’t make a spectacle of himself. He’d be all elusive and mysterious and quiet and calm. Until we get back to the bat cave where, I’m hoping like hell, things are gon get bat-shit crazy.

4. Nice to Animals and Good with Children

Men know this one. It’s why we see hot men posting pics on social media with dogs or cuddling up to their cute nephews. They know this slices us right in the heart. And although I hate to be typical or ‘normal’ in ANY way, I cannot deny that a man whose kind to animals and able to get along with children is always welcome in my bosom.

3. Body for Sin

It’s high I know. Three. I shouldn’t be so shallow. But hey, this is a Perfect Boyfriend list. So I’ll do want I want. And I want him to be hot. And he’s gunna have muscles and slightly tanned skin and he’s gunna have the ‘V’. I know you know the ‘V’.

2. Funny AF

Now I don’t mean he’s gotta be busting out the funnies 24/7. I just mean that he’s not so stuck up his own arse that he allows himself to be silly and say stupid things just so I can laugh at him. A man who is unafraid to be laughed at is kinda the sexiest thing ever.

1. Puts Up With My Crazy Shit

This is my no.1. You thought it was going to be funny didn’t you? Or hot? But no. A man who puts up with my crazy (and trust me crazy is nek level at times) is not only a fooking miracle, but also the man who can soften my old hard boiled heart. He’s basically saying I see you with all your flaws and your insecurities and your bratty behaviours, and I still love you. Now that man deserves a heart drawn with an arrow damn right through the middle.

What qualities would make up your perfect boyfriend?  Do you want him strong and silent or dorky and funny?  Join the discussion with Jen in the comments!

Jennifer Rae's latest novel, Who's Calling the Shots?, is as much about the need for powerful female friendships as it is the need to fall for a man you can rely on to love you when you need it the most:

Lights... Camera... Sizzling attraction! 

Contestant Brooke Wright's idea of fun is not a dating reality show! But it's an incredible chance to promote her family's sports brand if only she could ignore the maddeningly hot director, Jack Douglas!

When the cameras stop rolling, how long will they be able to keep their eyes on the prize... and their hands off each other... ?
To find out more about Jennifer and her books, you can visit her website and follow her on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.

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